because of being close to others, who are not me.

Why is it ALWAYS the same?
Luckyly I prevented myself from doing another stupid thing. What else must I hear to get it?
Luckyly until now - but just NOW I'm so close to do it - regardless of everything what has happened.

And I don't know what would be better - patience and waiting for your next sms of "I broke up because of blah blah" - looking for someone else - I mean ANYONE else, cause a special someone I don't see so far here around - except, well ... - or collecting all my courage to have a second effort to say what has to be said, to speak out what you already sensed, I guess.

Meanwhile I'm finding you in the story of Leviathan I couldnt stop reading breathless this night until 4 in the morning, again the wake-up call of the special bird in front of my wide open window - its so much of you - the deep dark secrects, the coincidences, even its ME in Maria Turner, which idol is to be found in the real artist Sophie Calle - one window after the next is opening - I really ADORE her way to express herself - and I wish to sit with you in the dark of my favourite park, having a picknick. And although I know I HAVE To be luckyluckyucky that you

Why other people's affairs turned out to develop always in the right direction at least finally, mine always grow in my stomach like stalagtites and sometimes stalagmites (OH YES, it's indeed a difference if something grows from up to downstairs or just the other way round!) and everything gets a hard to digest thing because of that and turn out to a story impossible to digest. (Oh great, this double meaning, therefor I really start to LOVE english - haha).

So, please, dear universe, I need some arms and at least a kiss or two.

Going to bed sad leads to strange dreams.

Have to continue the last pages of a new novel I have definitely put into my top 100 best list.